Sizzling ET looking for generous human willing to be an abducted sex slave. No experience with weaponry required. Call anytime at ILB-HERE.
Great big gas giant looking for luscious moon to spend eons with. Only gravitational obedience required.
Small cubicle available for long-term rental aboard the Soviet Space Station. No storage space available, beautiful view of the solar system. Perfect for absent-minded scientists.
Want the suntan you have always dreamed of? Well, come to the Mercury tanning salon, where you get roasted for an introductory fee of only $59.95. Non-native planet tax not included.
Great starship insurance plan covers all types of disasters, including meteor damage, heat damage, theft, nuclear destruction, and un-insured motorist protections. Rates scale with location - Kuiper Belt residents NOT covered!
Upper-level management positions open at all NASA branch offices. Minimum qualifications: 2+ years experience shuffling paperwork, 10+ years experience passing the buck. Scientists and engineers need not apply.
Space Cruiselines Inc. now hiring. Looking for enthusiastic individuals with experience in starship safety, spacewalk instruction, customer service, and currency exchange. Multi-lingual a must. Benefits include room and board, stipend, travel reimbursement, and cruise choice.
Saturday, April 27, 9am-4pm at NASA Headquarters. All projects, personnel, and equipment not directly supporting the space shuttle or space station up for grabs. Everything must go!
Recycled Hardware: AA Pull Your Part Space Shuttle Parts Recycling Company. Edwards AFB, California. Open 7 days a week. Lowest parts prices guaranteed.
MAKE MONEY NOW!!! Rapidly growing first-contact firm seeks representatives in the Milky Way galaxy. Excellent communication skills and cultural sensitivity a must. Experience with universal translators a plus. Great financial opportunity for full and part-time positions. Call today! 555-UFOS
A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY!!! Assemble satellites in your spare time. Earn up to $4000 a week. Perfect for students and for homemakers. Flexible hours, excellent supplementary income. Call 1-900-SPC-JUNK for a recorded message. Call costs $3.00 a minute.
